Requiem to an old friend - the sexy frog

As I ramble through the antibiotic induced fuzziness of my mind, I am forced to commune and connect with my old friends - the toads and frogs..... my assumed bootiful and melodious contralto has morphed to the lyrical renditions of a young frog, in desperate, long lost search of its endless tongue.. While the toungy search continues, I realise that one needs to appreciate the throaty sexiness of a croaky bass, a croaky soprano and definitely a croaky contralto....
Definitely something to this croaky, throaty affair...especially if said sexy frog managed to land himself a smackeroo right in the middle of his tongueless nogger by none other than a bootiful princess.... whither is my prince.....?? sighhhhhhhh

Need to inhale.... and exhale...

Its one of life's greatest miracles that all of us take life for granted... After all, what is life - is it a beating heart?, is it a functioning mind?, is it the human body with all its organs functioning...how does one know whether one is alive...? is it my skin which is warm to the touch..? is it my rising and falling chest? is it my moving arms and legs..

What is it...? and whatever it is, is it enough..? How does one live after a life has been lived..? how does one live after the entire life has not been lived up to expectations...? How does one go on when you know that it has been a wasted life...? A life that has been poured out into tall stained glasses from one bottle to the next, a li e that has been spent in hazy recollections, tormented minds, tortured hearts and living in the hallucinations of alcohol induced persecution... How does one live with the knowledge that my body is not what it used to be, my mind is mindless and my heart is heavy with the possibilities of what could have been and what most definitely is not and how does one live with the knowledge that I have been my own murderer.. I have murdered my own sensibilities, I have killed my brain, I have assaulted my senses, I have numbed my feelings and I have alienated love...

How therefore does one go on...? In the twilight of one's life, when I go on my mind's journey, the places I visit are filled with the pain, the longing, the losses and the anger of failures, shame, ridicule and all I see is darkness which is haunted by images whick keep playing and rewinding... playing and rewinding....They talk to me, the mindless chatter, the abominable noise.. endlessly...I struggle to continue my journey...where is my destination...I know not where I am.. therefore, whither will I go...
Do I even need to go...Do I even want to go....

Why do I even need to inhale...or even exhale...?

You stay on Mars, I stay on Venus and lets meet on Earth for a lil nibble and a cuddle and lots of canoodle

So much has been written and said about Men, who are from Mars and Women, who are from Venus and how we need to traverse inter galactic blackholes to get together and travel to Mars and Venus to understand each other etc etc.. ad nauseum, that I decided to put a stop to all of this space travel, and trying to understand each other's world nonsense and save all of us a lot of money and more importantly energy - yup, fuel, which ...yup yup... you guessed right can definitely put to mucho use in canoodling on good old Earth... after all.. what is wrong with good old mother Earth...it could definitely do with some combustible canoodling...




To rewind this record a little, and listen to some lilting sopranos, how many times have you heard these litanies -" Why the hell can't he listen to me, instead of jumping in with his dumbass solutions"? "Why can't he call"? Doesn't he know that I am desperate to hear his voice? Why can't he pick up the wet towels from the floor? Why doesn't he ever put the seat down and flush after he does his whatever...? Why does he disappear whenever I say -"We need to talk ...." and why does romance after marriage mean Wham, Bam, thank you baby... goodnite baby..




Lets hear the baritone version of this piece as well " Why the f.... do you want to tell me all this, if you do not want a solution? Is anything wrong that I need to call? calm down...Whats wrong with a few wet towels lying around.. saves washing them..Whats with the toilet seats and flushing? You said that you loved me.. am a package deal - my poop and all... Talk ? Can we do this tomorrow or never... football is happening....wow, what a fabulous header...eh...you were saying..? This stuck record will go on and on and on.... till this world stops spinning and the fat lady sings - whichever is earlier..




Lets face up to reality - you Martians and Venusians...you guys are plain loco to think that men and women are going to bond like long lost souls and kindred spirits. Tchah, what a complete no brainer to actually think that you will beat the conspiring and audacious machinations of God and Science to make this happen...Lets explore this a little, shall we...




Here's news for you...men and women - you are wired differently... period.. those little long thingies that we call neurons - well, here is news for you..more grey matter in men and more white matter in women..which is why... men get fuzzy when faced with all these stark conversations that women want to have all the time..obviously, when you are filled with grey, you cannot appreciate the whiteness of tiles, or toilet bowls or wasbasins, or clean towels or sheets... or whatever.. get the drift..?


Not only are we wired differently, the fuel that keeps these thingies going - oh yeah, those awesome drugs that we call hormones.. well.. well... whats sauce for the goose is definitely not sauce for the gander - you can bet on that.. Man - oh man, they are filled to their gills with ze testosterones...now to get an understandinhg of what these magical poppers do to you, you need to watch Nat Geo's - Big Cat stories and their ilk. Watch the lions and tigers scratch themselves or lick themselves in unmentionable places, watch them as they bask under the treees and ogle the females, watch them preen themselves in front of the females, watch them mark their territory -( wet towels, etc etc), watch them fight with each other over the females, watch them try and do it with as many females as they can get their paws on and definitely, watch them sleep, satiated while their females hunt for them... now you get the drift of what these powerful testosterone buggers do... of course, of course, these buggers also get you those hairy arms, that masculine chest and that deep voice that you swooned over and lets not forget that sexy stubble..which you and I got carried away with and then bam... we crash land with the other stuff.



Well, the most potent of all addictions are the cocktails and therefore guess what happens when testosterone meets up with hot adrenaline. This explosive cocktail is what is there in plentiful gallons when Martians set out to scan the territory in search of a mate, is pumping in the veins when he is in pursuit of the object of his desire and is in full flow when he is wooing, cooing and whatevering her...


This merry duet continues as the sexy Venusians who are filled with these deliciously hot progesterones, oh my - those pouty lips, the come hither smiles, those dreamy eyes, that awesome scent - one could drown in them and whats with these curves - man and the skin.. you can guess the rest.. well, guess what, adrenaline - the merry mischief maker decides to insinuate himself into Venus as well and voila - the blast happens, the earth moves, the ceiling shakes...and we dissolve into all of that mushy Mills and Boon stuff.... and after that... crash... the man turns over and snores... remember the Big cat...and Venus at this point is filled with overflowing love.. she wants to be cuddled, she wants sweet nothings, she wants hugs, carresses, strokes, bec....ause... at this point in time, adrenaline - the wicked monster in Venus has been pushed out by sweet honeyed dopamine, which, you are absolutely right, makes us women into dopey, mopey, salivating idiots wanting all of the above mushy stuff and wanting to give all of the mushy stuff, but hello... all she gets in return is a turned back, some obnoxious snores and God, dear God, some other unmentionable sounds as well..Now, poor dopamine needs to validate herself, doesn't she...? so she does so with sweet vengeance in lovingly cooked meals, immaculately kept houses, beautifully clean and lovely smelling curtains and bedsheets, pristinely scrubbed bathrooms, toilets and basins.... which.... collides with a well rested and well fed Martian, who now has replenished his testosterone and has become a Martian of wet towels, marking territory, sprawl on couch, scratching belly and other horrific places and watching sport where again testosterone filled males hurt each other and grunt and whoop and draw blodd, which again triggers adrenalineline again, but now, since they are forcefully monogamous... gets misdirected at attacking their careers, their subordinates, marking territiries by creating corporate kingdoms, going out and raiding enemies..read other markets and acquiring all the loots of war like cars, gadgets, watches, which they will now carry as ze spoils of war,...and the never ending cycle of testosterone and adrenaline continues...

Lets see what Venus is doing, shall we...Poor Venus, she is constantly being muddled with doses of adrenaline and dopy dopamine and after all that high, she kinda settles down with soppy serotonin, which leaves her with a permanent sappy smile on her face, makes her walk around, sappy faced and moon eyed picking up wet towels, washing the loo, cleaning up sofas of hair, pizza toppings, chips, falling asleep at a dinner table waiting for her Big cat warrior to come back to the den after a successful hunt, completely blisssed out... not knowing that all that she is dealing with is macho jungle man..and then...one fine day... serotonin needs some company and all she gets is..." I gotta go and kick some butt, ... can this wait...Venus has no time to get shocked as by now, lil Martians or lil Venusians have made tehir appearance and she is being beseiged by the mother of all these drugs - Oxytocin...oh my...oxy tocin.. the word so lovingly rolls off our lips... that wonderful, beautific, loving, nurturing drug that makes you weep and makes you laugh and makes you protect and shelter and feel the pain and the pleasure of all people, especially the young uns.. Venus is filled with the milk of human kindness as well and this makes her want to mother all creatures under the sun, the moon and the stars, including - you said it... raging Martian as well...She wants to nurture and bond and explore the breadth and depth of relationships and intimacy and what not babble, under the absolutely addictive influence of oxy...to..cin, while he looks on in absolute dismay and horror at the process of his Venus turning into horror of horrors - his mother....



Now, do you see what is happening here.. You definitely cannot blame Martians and Venusians for what they are.. they are so out of control in their loops... Martians with their never ending cycle of testos and adros and Venus - damn confusing mate - am not sure what she wants, I don't even understand her, when she has the look and I go to her, she says she has a headache, she constantly wants to talk...she constantly wants to feed me and know where I am and what I do.. and she constantly complains that I have no romance in me...heaven's sake - I bought her a food processor and that awesome Haier refrigerator with those bells and whistles...yet, she is not happy... These women...



What do u expect..u cavemen, we are constantly under the influence of cocktails...we need our highs as well....you know...



Enough on drugs...even biologically, M's and V's are made differently...don't you think? With men - everything is so in your face, nothing subtle about attractions and the other "tions"...It is all so obvious and visible...With women, on the other hand, everything is hidden, internal and intrinsic... The Big "O"'s - for men - you can't miss it - can u...? with V's - it is again a damn internal process, can't explain, a lil fuzzy magic.. etc etc.. No wonder, men are interested in "outcomes" and women in "processes"... :-) :-) Jeez, what a no brainer...



Thus, lets not waste time in figuring men and women out... This is a total washout.. give up exploring Mars and Venus...you can't fight Science and God.. let go...



Venus, when you are flooded with adro, go find a Martian and get him to earth and canoodle with him.. real good on good old earth...and once that is done, send him to fight his wars, and hunt his enemies, and shed his blood and pump his muscles and whatever.. When you get dopey and mopey, call another Venus over or a bunch of them and process things to death and when you are hit by the magical oxytocin.....set up a community with all your sister venusians and bring up the young uns into decent Martians and Venusians...



As for you Martians, go and hunt, fight wars, get your trophies - (Venusians like some of them...,especially the expensive ones....) shed blood and get scars, scratch your bellies and roam around with your buddies, drink yourself silly and puke into rivers...and do come back once in a while to check on us...... for you never know.... while you are doing all of this.... we venusians may be checking out other Martians....after all.... Darwin's theory of natural selection needs to happen... LOL ... LOL

Sliver...........

It is but my longing to break into billions of slivers of myself, for I could then experience infitesmial life's experiences, feel the throes of a million feelings, ruminate and traverse the journeys of a billion minds and immerse myself in the tumultous oceans of a million souls...all in this lifetime. Only then...can I say.. I have lived.......to once again converge into a single sliver with a reflection so clear as to capture the absolute stillness of a million lifetimes...one in many....many in one...a sliver... a stardust...

To all you Farmville lovers out in the world out there and to all of us…poor souls who live with them…

I am a fairly recent convert to FB, but surprise surprise, my acquaintance with Farmville was almost a year ago, when as I was sitting at my pod, slaving over stupid emails and dousing fires after creating them at work, I heard snatches of conversation around me…. “Could you water my crops please”? Hey, a black sheep wandered into my farm “ Hey, can you add me as your neighbor” to “ Do you think, you could send me a cow” to finally “ Ma’am, can I add you as my neighbor” My head popped up surprised – u want to be my neighbor ? – where –how, what , when…certainly – why not…? But… errrr…guess what – I dunno what you are talking about….There was this shocked silence with the entire aisle looking at me thinking – Man, who is this woman…? Is she ancient or what…? She does not know FARMVILLE…what kind of a loser is she….I gingerly whispered into the silence “What does one do to get onto FARMVILLE”..Now, the silence rolled into rolling eyes, gaping mouths and exchange of glances –Ma’am – are u saying that you are NOT on FACEBOOK…. At that point, I fell off the popularity charts and the top mantle with a big thud and have been relegated to the has beens desperately trying to prove to my largely with it kool and yuppy team that I am with it…..unsuccessfulllyyyy…
And so…began my initiation to the world of FACEBOOK. Imagine my surprise, when instead of musings of the mind, mental babble and social cackle, I find my wall filled with requests for sheep, ponies, horses, grass, butterflies , horses, cows, pigs, coins, easter eggs, stallions,fertilizers, fuel… the list goes on…I mean..I have 20 requests from people who want me to be their neighbor and other requests from folks who want all of the above from me….Wall postings are all about multiplication of chickens, collection of eggs, milking of cows, foaling of mares, ploughing of fields, harvesting of crops when I am expecting meetings of the mind, connecting with lost friends, sharing of thoughts, reviews of books and movies and so on… Did I hear a collective haruuummppph and a huge Yeehaw from all my pals…. I am sure I did… :-)
When you wake up to the sounds of horses neighing, and pigs oinking and cows mooing and you realize that you are not in a dream and they are all emanating from a virtual farm where folks are busy milking cows, collecting eggs, seeding their fields and the sound of tractors is what is the background music at the breakfast table and at lunch and at dinner..you know that you are fighting a losing battle…..but wait, I am still digging my feet in my concrete jungle…and howling in protest at all you farmers out there…
To date, I have resisted all attempts to join the Farmville community or the Fishville community or whatever despite all the enticing attempts by loved ones, the beguling requests by all my friends, the begging by my eight old son, who gleefully told me last night that he completed building his stable for his 40 horses and who by the way, has great difficulty in completing his class work everyday.
However, here are my pseudo intellectual musings on this fanatical movement of Farmvillers, an attempt at exploration on what it is that is making an entire world go absolutely mushy about chickens, cows and whatever…here is my take…
At the core of every human being is a secret desire to go back to a life which is much simple than what we are actually living in. We live in concrete jungles, in high rise apartments and the reality of owning a 1000 sq feet apartment takes an entire lifetime of paying through your nose…let alone trying to own a FARM. We wake up to the sound of your beeping cellphones, eat breakfast out of a box, drink milk from a carton. We then double bolt our homes, turn on alarms, drive in our fuel guzzling cars, breathe in carbon monoxide, switch on ozone depleting AC’s and drive to our workplaces of glass and concrete. At work, we commune with blue screens, enclosed in pods and the conversations that we have are with virtual people sitting miles away through emails and Instant messenger. A lot of us work far into the night and we return from work and again escape into a virtual world connecting with virtual friends through virtual space…How many neighbours do we actually know, except the faint nods that you exchange when you go up and down the elevator. Our kids, for example may never even have seen a cow or a horse, or a pig, or a geese in reality, except for pictures on again – the internet…, let alone a tractor, a seeder, a maple tree, an avocado tree or what have you.. To most of us, even owning a house is a difficult reality… you want me to own a farm.. Wow… if only….I could…
Ask any of us urban animals – what our retirement plans are and I bet my last penny that most of us will say – I would like to retire to a rural place, have a farm and live off the land. That is the secret yearning that all of us have . at the core of our hearts, we pine for a life so simple…to breathe an air so fresh, to walk on fresh green grass, to smell the fragrance of flowers, to drink in the beauty of flowers blooming, to dip our toes in flowing streams and feel the rain on our lips. We want to milk cows, grow sheep, plant crops, have horses to ride away into the sunset with and live in a villa on top a hill overlooking your acres and acres of farms, watching sunsets and sunrises….and watch your kids gambol in the fields with geese, ducks, pigs, chickens, dogs, ponies, pigs et al…What a superb flight of fantasy…hmmmmmmm….screech…..welcome to reality – or rather virtual reality, where the only fields you and I are ever going to see are going to be guess where – YeeHaw on FARMVILLE…
What an absolutely brilliant concept.. I am awed by the sheer brilliance of the folks who came up with Farmville. No wonder, you have millions of people who are slaving away at being farmers and sons of the soil. Farmville satiates the inner yearnings of all of us basic humans to essentially reach out deep down and be the people who we really are and who we want to be…
Where else can you own acres and acres of land, grow all the crops that you have always wanted to, become rich by selling the produce in an open market system. I mean, you have neighbours who come and plough your fields and feed your chickens. In reality, your neigbour – wazzat – do I really have a neighbor…? What does he even look like…?
Who ever said that grass needs to be only boring green and hay needs to be yawn -yellow…. My farm allows my grass to be blue and hay – I have all the colours of the rainbow..
Guess what – I own cows and not your boring black and brown variety… I could’nt be bothered making chocolate milkshake and strawberry crush for my kids, so, I went and got myself chocolate and pink cows, which give me at one pull – voila, chocolate milk and strawberry milk… J
And by the way, did I say I have chickens…? Of course I do… I have always loved the fairy tale of hens laying golden eggs and now… they do… YeeHaw
Lets not forget my pigs – My pigs are not the dirty smelly variety, wallowing in mud.. They are a lovely pink and they go oin oink and they give me truffles… So there…
And did I tell you about my horses….? What are u saying, you poor thing – you don’t even have one stallion.. I have so many of them and I plan to race them and my mares – have you seen them.. they come in all colours to match with my nail polish..
Let me come to my crops.. I have put to rest all antediluvian ideas of crop farming, soil analysis, climate analysis etc. In my farm, I can grow everything… from tulips to roses, to corn to daffodils, soya beans,water melons, grapes, morning glory, asparagus, egg plants, strawberries…So much for – different crops for different regions and all that old wives tales..As for my trees, I have tropical ones like plantains, coconuts, lime trees to cool cherry trees, apple trees, olives, figs and on and on…Whatever I want, I plant and I grow and I reap and I harvest and I make piles and piles of money..and you slave 12 hrs a day for a ego maniacal slave driver in an organization that owns you for what… ? That’s it – you poor sod..
Let me tell you about my friends and neighbours – we water each others plants, we fertilize each other’s crops, we feed our livestock, we walk in and out of each other’s property, we help each other build our barns and stables and villas and what is that – a French maison.. wow, how lucky are we..? You mean to say that your friends are virtual, your kids are too busy to have friends, and your friends will no longer be your friends if you ask them for help…and it has been ages since you gave or received any gift from your friends – how sad is your life – you loser…and if your dog wandered into somebody else’s house, they will file a complaint – WHAT…? You have to call your friends before you go visit them? What are you, a disease.. ?
What are you saying? Who said that I cannot have sea gulls and penguins.. Course I can have them.. course I had to get sea gulls from Europe and penguins from the Arctic circle but they are flourishing on my farm.. So, there…I wanted them and they are here…and why should I not have cottages and schools and villas and Indian homes, if I want to on my farm… and do you know, how we love those of stories of treasure chests and gold coins.. I find them all the time on my farm…
I have swings and roundabouts and see saws and ferris wheels and pagodas and autorickshaws.. whatever I yearn for, I get.. and I earn getting it as well…
Who wants to get back to your boring world… It is so predictably black and white and grey and it is populated by robots like you who live in a virtual world, with virtual friends, having virtual relationships and leading virtual lives…
My world on the other hand is filled with colour and vibrancy, growing lives and lands, real people and warm friends, perfect animals who give me all that I need and more.. I have an idyllic life, beautiful villa, ponds and lakes and flowers of every hue… and I certainly do not want to get back to your dull and dreary real world…
Did I hear somebody say – Welcome to my real world of Farmville…. The joke’s on me, my friends.. the joke’s on me.. YeeHaw Yeehaw…
All you Farmvillers – May your tribe increase….and may you go forth and spread your seeds by blowing them in the wind and watch them take root….. Hmmmmmmmmmm